How the chaos of my initiation turned my world upside down

I had a nightmare experience and I do think it’s safe to say that Sacramental abuse unleashes hell. I am not responsible for what was done to me. I have very strong opinions about priests who minimize psychological abuse, ostracism, shaming, smear campaigns, exclusion in order to maintain control.

Upon arrival
I was mourning my father’s violent, unexpected death in a MVA
After
Lawyers and staff defending crime smeared my parents as abusers

Upon arrival
I was working humbly and having success (with my students) and financially so I was self-sufficient and growing my social enterprise / business
After
I was constantly accused of lacking humility and it was assumed I was lying about my current job, work and education experience

Upon arrival
Rethinking some opinions and understandings about sex, marriage, babies, gender. Already very much inline with what the Church taught and very interested (called?) to learn more
After
Totally falsely accused, lied about, smeared as to my positions and intentions

I can’t even continue. The fact that priests, secretaries and Diocese staff are employees and are in charge of spiritual processes and rituals that can cause lifelong psychological damage … this is a problem. New Catholics MUST be “brought in” to a specific parish community intentionally, so that Diocese people don’t have to get involved. These people see things through an adversarial legal lenses. I am interested in what seminaries are doing because of the nightmare of rejection, false accusations, hostility and suspicion I experienced in Peterborough. Vocation crisis and the need for ordained Catholics to stay in control notwithstanding, the men in their late 20s and mid 30s that I had to deal with are just not competent to administer a parish community on their own.

Parish administrators?
Permanent deacons?
Catholics being less weird about how special and exclusive they are, and allowing normal people to be part of the faith and parish life without policing thoughts, judging on appearance so that the Catholic faith would appeal to a wider swath of humanity? Religion isn’t going away; it must become more useful spiritually, morally, socially to a wider swatch of humanity. Yes, Latin Mass for the young people, Synod and Care of Creation for elders. Both/And. Why is this hard?

Evangelization can mean going out, but, in an age when social media ‘goes out’ to the unchurched, evangelization can mean recognizing that people might wander in… and this is grace … and parish people need to be ready to respond to this grace.